Short Solo

The Oilers played the Ducks on a warm February evening in Anaheim. I’m in line with my sister and my brother-in-law waiting for the outdoor pregame party to begin. The beers are $18 – made partially palatable because they are locally produced craft beers.

I’ve got an ear worm repeating over and over…“Mark still lives at home cause he’s got no job. He just plays guitar and smokes a lot of pot. Jay committed suicide. Brandon OD’d and died.”

To fill time I tell an obscure story about another Offspring song – Why Don’t You Get a Job.

The song appropriately tells the story of deadbeat unemployed lovers who enjoy to freeload off of their employed partners.

It’s a real toe tapper – but how could it not be?

The song samples a combination of The Beatles, “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” and Simon & Garfunkel’s “Cecilia” – songs playing at the time many of us were conceived. We’ve got that rhythm burned into our DNA.

I tell our group how this song is among the most obvious feats of plagiarism, while simultaneously and surprisingly recognizing that I’d committed a faux pas…

Mudslides and Earthquakes.

We had gone to L.A. for a single purpose. I’d always wanted to see NASCAR. They were racing at the Colosseum.

The second worst rain storm in Los Angeles since data has been kept cancelled the race.

The catastrophic storm triggered nearly 400 mudslides across the LA area, causing widespread structural damage, flooding streets, and forcing emergency swift-water rescues. 

The only positive note for that weather to L.A. was having a rooftop pool overlooking Sunset Las Palmos Studios all to ourselves.

The relaxation of enjoying beer – while simultaneously being pelted by pouring rain and hail – made for a great memory. Those studio lots were known for filming I love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, Get Smart, True Blood, La La Land…

L.A. experienced a 4.6 earthquake a few days later. We were already in Anaheim and didn’t feel a thing. However it was felt across the city of angels. I was darkly jealous. Earthquakes have always appeared in my environmental disaster dreams – I attribute that to the Superman Movie featuring Christopher Reeve. To experience it would be feeding into anxiety.

Morning Merch

We woke up and reviewed the Anaheim Honda Center website to get our bearings on transportation options, opening times and amenities.

It was then we recognized that The Ducks were celebrating Anaheim’s The Offspring. This included special merch, game time beer and a pregame party.

We ended up going to the arena the morning of the game for opening hours at The Ducks official store. I hoped to be lucky and get one of the hundred signed vinyl albums made specifically for the game.

Around 40 people were already in line waiting for the store to open. The best part of waiting was watching Ducks players arrive for practice. I’d barely recognize anyone outside of Troy Terry – evidence that I don’t follow the NHL that closely outside the Winnipeg Jets.

The big items for sale were specialty jerseys – it became clear that the line of customers was larger than the number of available jerseys. As the doors opened they were letting a few people in at a time for crowd control. This was perfect because my plan was to stay clear of the jerseys and search the store for the albums.

A guy approached the line and was upset that I didn’t want to get him a jersey. I explained that we were Canadian so that complicates matters with e-transfers and there are many Americans in line he could chat with.

Once we reached our turn I started scanning the entire store looking for albums. I found a lot of nostalgic Teemu Selanne items, tons of iterations of Ducks Jersey’s and Offspring tshirts. However no records.

Staff asked if I needed assistance. I asked where the albums were and they informed me that they were behind the cash registers. I got in that line recognizing that I dropped my original place from 40th to at least 60th.

I was pleased and knew they had a limit of one album per customer. If they received their full stock, I’d be snagging an album – which fortunately I did.

With the competitive consumerism adrenaline subsiding, we recognized we had hours before the game. We decided to kill that time at a few local Anaheim spots.

Brewery X

The first stop was for beer and lunch. Anaheim’s Brewery X opened in 2018 in a massive 76,000-square-foot facility. The brewery now occupies a former Cold War-era compound, which manufactured missile guidance systems and contributed to the Apollo moon missions. 

Brewery X has grown into one of Southern California’s largest independent craft breweries- they’ve earned their place as the official beer of the Anaheim Ducks.

They had an outdoor grill and bbq area serving all kinds of food. We enjoyed pizza before moving inside when clouds overtook the sky instantly making us feel cold.

The indoor area was divided into a small pub at the front, a large Oktoberfest style room, and an overfill line of tables in the production area.

We had a sufficient buzz and decided to walk the eight minutes to a mini golf course for some extraneous exercise.

Pre-gaming in Camelot

Camelot Golfland – operating since 1975 – is a full year my senior. The mini-golf world was all the rage in the 70s.

With five 18-hole courses it became California’s largest miniature golf destination.

I made the suggestion that we play a round, mistakenly believing this was the place where The Karate Kid was filmed. It turns out that was Golf N’ Stuff a few miles away.

The course we played had everything I used to dream of when I was a ten year old mini-golfer including a final hole where you hit the ball into a giant castle.

Anaheim Ducks vs Edmonton Oilers

With a game of mini-golf under our belt, we made our way back to the Honda Centre for the hockey game.

My memory of being back at the front of the line for the pre-game party starts with telling an Offspring plagiarism story. I hear a voice asking us to step aside for the band and their family.

I quickly recognized that I’d been telling my story with Noodles (Kevin Wasserman) – the lead guitarist of The Offspring standing directly behind me.

Dexter Holland – the lead vocalist was directly behind Noodles. Holland is a man of many talents – he’s a pilot and has a PhD in molecular biology specializing in protein coding of HIV genomes.

They both pass us with a thank you and no other recognition. I imagine I was red-faced as they couldn’t care less and likely didn’t hear me.

With the awkwardness of that interaction behind us, we enjoy an evening of $1 hotdogs and beer. Also, Evander Kane – ex-Winnipeg Jet – led to an Oilers 5-3 victory by scoring his second hat trick of the season.

The evening ended when we heard some angry Ducks fans say that the Oilers bus thousands of fans to California for the game.